Educating Aaron

Have you ever had an experience where, if someone were to ask you to describe someone to somebody else, you could do it in a heartbeat and have that person described to a tee? And then find out, in some cases you were right, but for the most part completely wrong?

Earlier this month, I got a phone call from my Dad letting me know that my step-dad, Ralph Vitale, had died from a massive heartattack. Ralph was 55 years old and way too young. My Mom and Dad divorced in 1992 and my Mom and Ralph were married in 1995. Ralph was the complete opposite of my Dad....spiritually, physically, mentally, socially....it was as if Mom sought out not to have the same experiences as she did with Dad. Ralph was happy-go-lucky and came from a messy marriage that continued to work into his everyday life even after him and Mom got married. Ralph was a big eater and a big sleeper. He was the only person I knew that could fall asleep at a Lions game....granted, this was back when the Lions were good....I'm sure sleeping at Lions games happens more regularly. (ugh!)

Ralph cared about family...his immediate and adopted family. He took pride in the importance of a good and healthy relationship. His awkwardness, humor and loud laughter were his trademark. He just loved being 10 years old because being an adult was too much work. Ralph was a workaholic but, within his work, he found ways to build relationships and make connections.

Not being in Michigan since 2002 and not seeing Ralph or my Mom since then, I had forgotten these things. I watched people that I had known for years when I lived in Michigan grieve for a person I thought I knew. People knew my step-dad better than his own step-son did. I can blame this on circumstances and distance and family issues and pride. For the five days that Sara and I were up in Michigan for the showing and the funeral, I felt like I was given a lesson in how to live life and how others really look for God qualities in a person when it's all said and done. Trying to carry this youth minister title, I feel like I'm supposed to make sure my group understands that. I feel like I was taught a lesson and humbled at the same time.

The family decided to have Ralph cremated and, on the Tuesday after the funeral, the ashes were delivered to Mom's house. It's humbling to see a body on Sunday and on Tuesday all that remains is in a nice wooden box that is smaller than a loaf of bread. Sara and I have decided that's what we want too. Mom held Ralph's remains close to her that afternoon and we put the urn on a mantle so now Mom has something tangible that will allow her to have Ralph around. If, for some reason, God calls me home early then I would want Sara to have something that she can hold and have nearby and vice-versa.

I guess the point of this is to try and not put someone in a "box" before time runs out and you are in one. Always be learning, relational and caring......people and God will honor you more for the love you give than what you take.